I knew my parents were muggles from the day I came out of the womb. I could sense it all along. They didn’t understand when waved my hands up and down as an infant I was trying to cast spells on them to turn their hair gray, and make dark circles appear under their eyes. They didn’t know when I had to have my diaper changed every 40 minutes, it wasn’t because I had an exceptionally well functioning digestive system; it was because I made the poop appear just to make them have to hold me again. Yet in spite of them I would make wicked banshie screaming noises, just to make them realize the power I was born with. They didn’t understand my need to let my magic powers blossom. They didn’t get that I was a muggle born witch. They just called me Suzi.

Soon the time came for me to get my acceptance letter. They hid it from me obviously, because they didn’t want me to know about Ashby Elementary School for witches and warlocks. Except on all the signs outside of the building they left out “for witches and warlocks” because they wanted to keep it a secret. But I saw this clever omission. It was a gigantic brick school that I knew housed magic things: singapore math, earth sciences, finger painting, nap time, and recess. And soon it would all be mine. I just had to turn 5.

First day. Waiting at the school bus stop. In my moms flying car, that I haven’t seen fly just yet. This huge yellow transportation device screeches to a stop in front of us. The muggle says goodbye all teary eyed. I climb these huge dark grey steps to my fate on this big yellow dragon… Or whatever, and come to the realization that all the kids occupying the seats must be my kind. They must have been able to cast spells in their diapers and flail their arms to give their own mommies gray hairs! How magnificent that we are all here at one time, sitting on one huge yellow magic carpet with a roof!.. Or whatever. So I sit in my own seat, not making eye contact with any of the kids next to me, because I’m scared they’d be too intimidated by my highly advanced powers.

We get to the magical school of Ashby Elementary, and I’m introduced to my professor of the math-english-science-reading arts, Professor Grist. But she wants us to call her Mrs. Grist, to keep the magic confidential I’m guessing. One thing I must have been in the bathroom for was the sorting hat. Yeah, I must have been in the bathroom. But none the less, she seems like a good witch, and a smart one too. One day I know I’ll be able to look back and give her credit for my foundations in counting magically, reading magically, napping magically, and recess-ing magically. But for now she’s having us sit in a circle and say our names. I quietly stutter Suzi, in a practically nonexistent voice. Rocky start to my magical stardom.