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Endless Darkness

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It’s been 17 years and all I’ve done is wait, wait for you here in the darkness. Do you even remember me? Have you even thought of me since then? When…WHEN…will you come back? I don’t think I can wait any longer. All I want is to lash out, but I can’t, because you have the key, the one key that can unlock me and save me from this endless darkness.



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thatbywhchichwecallarose said...
May 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm
I like that this is so unconventional. Maybe add a little more interesting words and substance, but I like how you leave things up to intrepration. 
 
Darbs1325This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17, 2012 at 8:09 pm
Chilling.... 
 
Kiarra_Kally_Reaver said...
May 17, 2012 at 6:10 pm
This is very relatable =] it can touch lots of hearts and open lots of eyes
 
realbeautifulheart said...
May 16, 2012 at 11:04 pm
Very good piece. In a way, I think I can relate. Your analogy of a lock and key fits the situation perfectly. Keep writing.
 
whitetiger303 said...
May 16, 2012 at 10:23 pm
I like it i think it shows alot of pain and hurt but its interesting
 
Dreamer7697 said...
May 16, 2012 at 9:07 pm
It's interesting...its short and I think it needs more descriptive words. Instead of capitalizing the words like you said "WHEN" , use some words that can leave others speechless :) But it is good please keep it up!  
 
PeNfReAk10This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 16, 2012 at 8:57 pm
very short....but good. nice ending
 
maddyhatter said...
May 16, 2012 at 8:05 pm
very strong dark mood good job captureing that
 
Relondo said...
May 16, 2012 at 7:52 pm
Not bad. Not great, really, but only because it's too short. Not a whole lot of substance. Do keep it up, though.
 
lilith27 said...
May 16, 2012 at 4:34 am
gud work..luved it!!
 
Lacer said...
May 15, 2012 at 9:48 pm
It needs to be longer, have more substance to it. Standing alone, its too cheesy (cheesy is good sometimes, if you give it substance). Add to it, which shouldn't be hard, just add a backstory, and if you can't think of one, revert to the Orson Scott Card brainstorm method
 
ificandream said...
May 15, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I liked it. Is it meant to be fantasy?

 

 
Kylah replied...
May 15, 2012 at 8:30 pm
Everything is based on your interpretation of the piece. Whether it's fantacy or not, your choice! :D
 
TitleKubo said...
May 15, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Short and Sweet, yet powerful!
 
Morganwk said...
May 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm
I liked it! The difference in style made me miss a step a bit, but I really liked it, especially on read #2. I want to see more of this kind of thing.
 
Beata B. said...
May 15, 2012 at 11:50 am
very deep, I really like this piece , there is some feeling in it
 
CTS207 said...
May 14, 2012 at 11:50 pm
hmm I admire your adjectives, but the association of key and endless darkness is kinda of apart. I think of key as a prision and darkness as abscence of light, the key being the light and darkness being the result of his or her abscence.
Otherwise good work
 
NWphotography This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Im not exactly into poetry, but this is interesting:)
 
S-A-M-14-06-94This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 10, 2012 at 12:07 am
Nice one 
 
laurenmay123 said...
May 10, 2012 at 12:06 am
This was very interesting. It's definitely abstract, almost like  journal entry or something. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a poem or a short story, but the combination you seem to have made is actually pretty neat. It's like, the structure of a short story but with the message/feel of a poem. Very cool! I would recomend maybe elucidating on it a bit, however. Make it a bit more in depth. Other than that, I like it.
 
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