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Memories Worth Dying For

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I swear I’m going to kill you.

My lungs are on fire, my thighs are burning, and sweat is dripping from my brow; isn’t the point of this hike to admire the scenery around us? How the hell am I supposed to do that when I can’t take my eyes away from the ground, or focus on anything but the pain? I don’t know how you convinced me to do this to myself. Honestly, I don’t.

But I’m going to kill you for it.

I have to stop and take a breather every fifteen minutes or so, while you run the whole way, and back to me each time I stop. I can’t believe that this comes so easily to you, and you’ve never done it a day in your life. You’ve never gone hiking before, and yet, you climb this mountain like it’s just a normal flight of stairs inside your home. I’m panting, my lungs heaving, and you haven’t even started to break a sweat. No gasping for air. No gulping down water. No muttering regrets. Nothing.

I’m going to kill you for it.

I don’t think I’m going to make it. That’s how much pain I’m in; I think my feet are going to slip from beneath me, and I’m just going to collapse here, and die. You’ve given me false hope of ever finishing this climb. You run and as I watch you climb the mountain so effortlessly, I cling on to that chance that I too can accomplish what you continue to do. You’re just leading me on, though; you know there’s no way. You’ll probably make fun of me after all this is over, too.

I’m going to kill you for it.

Breathe now, before it’s not too late, I tell myself.

Inhale

Exhale

Repeat

Repeat

The full way up, keep repeating – breathe.





We. Did. It. We actually did it! Granted, you got to the top of the mountain earlier than I did, but still: WE DID IT! I can’t believe it.

I have to apologize; this whole way I’ve been cursing you, threatening to kill you, but all you’ve done is given me a memory. I will always remember this; I’ll always remember that, the first time I conquered this mountain, you were with me. I did it because of you. In fact, you’ve given me so many memories that I’m going to keep with me forever. You were with me the first time I walked home from school alone. You were there when I got hit in the head by a soccer ball and then immediately following it, a football; you were there for me to look at and suck up the tears. You were there for me the first time I saw my parents fight, and you told me everything would work out. You were there the serious times, and the fun times, too. You were with me when we were going to sneak a key away from the back of our friend’s house just to get some tea from inside. You were there when her mom caught me – I was so scared, but I felt so bada** I didn’t care! You were there, texting me the first time I went to a high school party - your parents wouldn’t let you go, so I refused to attend, too, but you made me go. You told me to have a good enough time for the both of us, and that you’d never talk to me again if I didn’t. You were there when I faked being a classmate’s mom and called him in sick. I did it for you, and risked getting caught. I used your phone, actually; I made you give it to me because I was too scared the office would trace my number, and it was for your project anyways. You gave it to me without hesitation. Not a hint of fright, not a second thought glimmering in your eyes. I’ll never forget these first times I have with you – these small moments that mean so little, and yet so much to me.

You’ve given me a lot of memories – memories worth dying for – and every second I’m with you, you give me more - more moments to remember and keep - more scenes to replay in my head before bed each night so that I never forget any of them.

They’ll never be enough.

One day, you’re going to leave me - I know it. It’s all too good to be true. That must be why I remember everything. God doesn’t want us to forget, but he’s going to rip us apart. That’s fate, for you. But you’ve given me so many good times that I can’t part with them. If I’m ever torn away from you, it will honestly destroy me. I should be able to take the memories and move on with my life, but I know I won’t be able to – and it’s all your fault. It’s all your fault for making my life so wonderful when I’m with you. It’s all your fault for making me laugh like crazy, and want to dance in the rain. It’s your fault that I put myself in so much pain just to climb this mountain. It’s also because of you that I made it to the top. I’m going to remember that, always; I’m going to remember that the only way I could achieve anything was because I would look up at you. I’m going to remember that, without you, I felt unimportant, and like I wouldn’t ever amount to anything. When you’re gone, that’s all I’ll feel again; good-for-nothing, and good at nothing.

You’ve given me a lot to remember,


And I’m going to kill you for it.





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