I took a step in front of him. I simply said no. No. No. No. No. No. Then I cried. And I said no again. No. No. No. No. He didn’t answer. He didn’t move. I assumed he never would answer me but I didn’t give up. After a silent moment, his eyes left mine and hit the floor took a step back, he wouldn’t ever look at me again. His eyes were glued to the floor. I grabbed his hand. Please I said. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Don’t I say. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. He looked into my eyes. He was crying. I was too. I could see my reflection in his eyes. I was sure he could see his in mine. I hugged him. He didn’t try to pull away, but he did not hug me back either. Was I giving up? No never. I would never give up. I released him, and his eyes went back to the floor. He whispered, I can’t stop this feeling, I can’t make it go away, no matter what I do it is in the back of my mind telling me these things. I don’t want too, but I can’t take it anymore. I love you. I didn’t want you to know. I tried to hold it back. I didn’t expect you to come find me. I expected you to know, to let me do what I can’t stop. I should have known better. He almost smiled. I couldn’t. Could never simile. Ever again. At least that’s what it felt like. I’ll help you. I said. He replied simply with no. No. No. No. No. No. You can’t help me. I'm too far gone. I'm sorry. With that he walked away. I fell to my knees and cried. I couldn’t stop him. I tried. But tomorrow everyone would hear. Of the boy. Who ended his life. To this I cried harder. They would never know. What I knew. About him. About me.
No, Please, Don't, No,
November 8, 2011