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Karma Hates Me

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First, Mom dies.
Second, Dad dies.
Third, my brother dies.
Fourth, my sister dies.
Fifth, I die.
What else could go wrong?!?
Oh, and then God gave my life to a newborn baby with the same name as me: Rachel.
He planned out my ENTIRE life in advance, and decided to test it out on me before he gave it to the "dear, chosen baby Rachel", he calls her. Ugh. Whatever.
***
It is just like I'm nothing! Nobody notices anything in Heaven. At least...I think this is Heaven. It might just be Limbo, but I don't know. I never went to Religion. Do they teach that there...? Ugh. Whatever.
***
Baby Rachel is learning how to talk...and she is JUST starting to say words.
Guess what? Her first word was "Ducky".
So was mine.
***
I spoke to God today and asked him when I can see my parents and brother and sister. He told me I couldn't until I got my wings.
WINGS!?!?
Great. So now I have to become an angel before I can see my dead family. Well this is going to take FOREVER!
***
Well, Rachel started 5th grade today...fun. The only part I like about Heaven is your suite. It's about the size of an average New York apartment, but hey, it's all for you! Inside the main chillax room in your suite (you get to pick where!) there's a big hole in the floor.
Well, technically, it's kinda just like a glass floor, but it isn't.
It's just not there. You can walk over it; you can sit on it, stand on it, and even jump on it.
I don't know what it's made of, but it's cool.
So, there is a little wooden chair next to the "hole", and whenever you want to watch a certain person on Earth (this is where the whole "Guardian Angel" thing came from, I guess...I don't know, but from what I hear, once you're an angel, you can go down to Earth and wander around secretly and protect a person) and see what you missed.
***
There are three different parts in Heaven; the accident part, the natural part, and the self-inflicted part.
The accident part is for those people who fell off roller coasters, were scared to death by haunted houses, hit by cars, got in car accidents, and all the like.
The natural part is for the people who died of natural causes like old age, sickness, disease and stuff like that.
Then, the self-inflicted part... well, the title kinda explains the whole thing. That's the part for the people who committed suicide and stuff.
Those are the three parts of Heaven. I’m in the accident part...and my family is in the self-inflicted part.
All but my mom.
***
Well, Rachel is gone off to college today...something I never got to do.
I'm going to be working on all the problems she has to do, considering I never got to even pick out colleges yet...you see, I was killed by a drunk driver. I got hit by a car when I was 15. Unlike my dad, sister and brother. They killed themselves using drugs, alcohol, and of course, a knife.
***
Today is Rachel's 50th birthday...it's my 65th. Nobody cares about that in Heaven, though...oh, I'm working on getting my wings...I haven't seen my family for 50 years now. I'm gonna see them soon...
***
I got some news today.
I found out that if you don't earn your angel wings in after 150 years, you get sent to Limbo. So, yes, it turns out I am in Heaven. It just doesn't really feel like it without my family.
***
More news today.
God has predicted Rachel's death.
The 115 year anniversary of my death.
And her 100th birthday.
I get to finally meet her, though...I can ask her all about my life and what I missed out on.
Fun. I get to ask a stranger how MY life was. If THEY enjoyed it. Great.
***
Well, Rachel killed herself.
She thought living was bad...I can't blame her.
I can imagine how hard it is to live a long, happy life.
Not that I have.
***
Rachel went to Hell.
Great.
***
I got my wings today...and God gave my life to another person.
Her name is Rachel.
***
I got to meet my family today...they look great for 350 years old.
***
My parents got sent to Limbo today...they didn't get their wings.
***
I'm gonna escape Heaven today...I just don't see the point in never dying...not-living can get pretty boring.



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