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secret(just yet)

By , .., Philippines
Every time I see him he makes my blood boil, always making fun of me and yet… I can never get angry at him. “Why is it, really?” I asked myself wondering what would be the ‘answer’ to that ‘question?’ I don’t know why, when we were still little I’ve been having these… unexplainable…strange… ‘Feelings’…? That’s right were friends, just-childhood… friends… ah, there it goes again ‘just----friends’…? I don’t get it, I… (Expression shows pain) I just ---don’t (hurt, tears falling down her cheeks) (sobs). (Wipes it and chuckles)Funny, every time I hear it I get … this feeling (painful expression) --- a sharp pain…piercing through my heart, it hurts, my chest hurts… so--- painful, I can’t--stand it….


Raining, today as usual we’ll be walking home again (well, we are neighbors) with his ‘other’ friends. It’s only supposedly just the two of us; it used to be, until this happened--- (sigh) …oh, well I guess since he’s so popular… When I think of it now it’s been so long since we’ve walked together, just the two of us(I don’t even remember when was the last time)… these past few years our ‘going home together time’ has been decreasing, I fear that he’s becoming distant( sad face). So confused, all I could think about was him. I slowed down my pace giving me a meter away from him and the other s; it’s so I could watch him from a distance I feel comfortable at, his back---looking at it would make me feel safe, so firm, strong, beautiful, elegant…he has a great posture (smiles softly blushing, imagining) it’d seem like I could lean on him whenever there’s something troubling me, and I did… I---used to… that is---- when we were little… (Thinking) I wonder why, every step he’d take… I… got this urge to follow him like a lost puppy… And every step he’d make I’d secretly use as a stepping stone avoiding the mud it’s kind of like ---a hobby or something, I ---- just thought I might get lost if I ---don’t( please don’t think of me like a stalker * making-a-face-so-red-it’s-about-to-explode-and-faint-cause-of-embarassment-expression* --aah--- I just…um…oh…eh…it’s…ah… ow, you know what I mean*blushing*)… Carefully I place each foot accordingly to the footprints that he had left. Left… right… left… right--- and as I went, kept thinking of how his foot had grown each passing year…he was a growing boy after all (giggle)… once again I was drowning in my longing desires, in my own happy world, even little things like these makes me happy… continuing to walk desperately, hoping… that I’d be able to keep up, catch up him, to be able to reach him… To always be by his side, it would be wonderful…a –miracle… reminiscing, the way he would always smile a crooked smile--- the right side… and laugh, making him look just like a monkey, you know like the ones in anime… a chibi monkey (giggle)…so cute… and when he’s sad then cries he’d have …a runny nose (pfft)…and watery puppy-dog-eyes…(tries not to laugh)…so funny(pfft)…priceless (chuckle) especially the time he had to go to the doctor for -you-know-what, he was so scared…he asked me to hide him… I can still remember it! (pfft)…”anywhere is fine---just, just hide me!... please? pweetty pweeaassee( the watery puppy-dog-eyes paired with runny nose)!!!!...”…hahaha, he was so desperate then… he’s always been a cry baby… back then,…ow----but when his mad… (Oh, boy you’d wish you didn’t---)… he (gulped) well, he emits this--- scary aura…gives me the chills, really… (brr)… that was the last time I had a glance of it… and he can be so immature at times… and clumsy…not to mention, he also can’t cook…always burning it…
… Did I tell of how he almost burned down the house?... the next-door-neighbor saw the black smoke they thought the house was burning and called the firemen … he was in the bathroom, then… he heard someone loudly banging the door, and got outside of the tub, got his towel and saw the door knocked down---“ hey!!!------ … he was so shocked of why they were there, and he said “who are--??!”... And so then after the commotion they only found burnt-microwave-oven-baked-noodles
… It happened years ago when we were still at our home town, what a day it was…. So that’s the history---that’s why… sometimes I had to cook for him or he’d eat those ready-to-eat meals/snacks from the convenience store… really--- it’s bad for his health you know? (Why do I care anyway------?)… even so, I can’t …”not-like-him”… I know some might think I’m weird… but I can’t help it…with all these flaws you’d never think it’s the most popular guy in school… I can’t help it ok?! I like him...wait--..? I — wha--? …a...I—eeehhhh?!... No way!!!! (Shocked, both turning violet and blushing?) I realized----I LOVE HIM!!!!(wide-eyes with shock)……

to be continued-----





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