it had been several days since he last texted me or even came over, things were now getting out of hand. i looked at my phones blank screen hoping that any second a text would appear, giving some explanation for his strange behaviors and what he had done, how he had left me and ignored me like i was just a memory he forgot but the screen remained blank. "why? i asked myself out loud. "why are you doing this to yourself? he doesn't need you, he doesnt even....want you." i exhaled as my chest became heavy and my breathing became laboured. i looked out my bedroom window. the sun was starting to set and it would be dark in a few hours. finally fed up i got off my bed and walked down the stairs and out the front door into the evening air and just kept walking. i came to the end of the drive way and hayden was standing there looking at me as i walked aimlessly passed him, not muttering a word. " jace? i ignored his voice as i continued to walk "jace? he called my name again but i still didn't reply, then i heard him running up behind me. he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. "jace? whats wrong? where are you going? he asked with worry written across his face. "nowhere...." i muttered looking at my feet. "i'm going nowhere." hayden lifted my chin making our eyes meet and suddenly i could see myself through his eyes, my hair was a glowing from the sun and my expression empty almost as if i was.dead. suddenly i felt a great sorrow wash over me. i wasn't sad for me but for hayden and what he was now staring at, me. empty and lost. "whats wrong? i wanted to tell him but my mouth wouldn't form his name. " it was sam. wasn't it? he asked. i nodded slowly. he let out a sigh of disgust. "i'll kill him! i'll freakin kill him! where is he? he asked as he shook furiously. i shook my head. he suddenly stopped as t set in and he realized what had happened. " he's gone? i started to cry as i nodded. haydens expression became pained as he gathered me into a embrace and i clung to him as i sobbed into his shoulder, not wanting to let go and not wanting anyone to make me. i felt save but i knew even that wouldn't last. "it's..." he stopped and jace knew why. hayden was going to say the lie that not even he himself would believe and so he had stopped and kept those two words i didnt want to hear."it's ok." becuase we both knew it wouldn't ever be ok. instead he whispered "i'm forever here for you and always will be." and strangley enough. i believed him and held onto him even tighter before letting go. i wiped my eyes and smiled. " i know,you always were. thanks." i sighed. he smiled "no problem." i i looked up at the sky and turned to leave, leaving hayden standing watching me with all the worlds sympathy in his heart, before i continued i turned to him and smiled. "hayden? i asked. "yes? he replied "forever? he smiled and nodded. "forever! i smiled as i turned and left knowing that ahead of me lay all the heart break and hardships in the world but behindme was someone who would always catch me if ever i fell. did i get my happy ending? no this time. would i? only time would tell but i had a feeling that my hero behnd me would be there to always save me.
" not this time"
July 5, 2010