A Day in the Life of the Lovely Jane: A comedic diary Part 1

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I guess it all started when he looked at me, but it was really more of a glance. He had brown eyes, nice eyes. They reminded me of a puppy dog.
That was how our relationship was for a long time. We just looked at each other, and said the occasional hello, if either one of us began to feel too awkward just staring.
Now if I was being realistic this wouldn’t be fiction so I’m going to knock that part of me out and just let myself become love drunk.
It all started at the beginning of summer(if you ask me that’s just about the worst time) he asked me out. Now don’t be shocked you knew it was coming only it’s not how you think…..he asked me to come to ice cream and it wasn’t just us it was a bunch of people. I would have loved to say yes, so I did. The only problem was the fact that I’m allergic to milk. Do you know that saying “love is blind”? Well not only was it blind in this case, it was also deaf. So I forgot and ordered a vanilla cone. I figured what could possibly happen? It was only a little bit. Well I think you know what happened. I became all red in the face and my eyes got all puffy, it felt like some one made me eat poison ivy. I wanted to itch my insides. That’s how bad it was, then I suddenly couldn’t breath and he was hovering over me. The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed with a not so pretty male nurse hovering over me, or was it my neighbor. My head was spinning so much I couldn’t figure it out. I kept wondering how my parents could be so cheap? They couldn’t get me a private room or what? Anyways as I was wondering this I saw another nurse take out a sponge and go for the other nurses top. I thought I was going to witness a real life grey’s anatomy scene. I was really mixed up by all the drugs they gave me. Stupid doctors! I ended up being wrong it was time for someone’s sponge bath and I got to watch. I barfed, right in front of Jake!(I chose the name Jake cause it’s so cliché I thought it would be perfect for this story!)wink* wink* So now Jake must really think I’m disgusting, he tries to leave but I see him so he’s forced to stay and watch the sponge bath and get me a puke bucket. Not to romantic. Don’t worry it gets better, even more mushy then the puke. Okay that sounds so bad, but it was pretty mushy.
Eventually I got out of the hospital and sadly I had to face Jake again. It happened at the beach, cause of course he’s a life-guard! I was in my new bikini, my sister Laura had picked it out for me. It was literally an itty bitty teeny weenie, yellow pock dot bikini! Very Italian. So I was looking great, I had even just waxed, which is really important for me cause I have this thick dark hair. I was with my friend Tory and we were both running into the ocean. Jake was right there and I really wanted him to see the real me, the fun me, the snexy me!(yes I said snexy, TI won’t let me say it the other way)! Any who I’m just going to cut to the chase. I was in the waves then my ankle cramped up and I started to freak out cause I’m not a strong swimmer. So of course Jake jumps in to save the day. He’s got his arms around me which feels amazing but then I swallow a bunch of water so he has to drag me onto the sand and do the him lick maneuver on me. It was when I started breathing again that I realized my top had been taken into the ocean and now I really did look European. Eventually Tory brought me a t-shirt and I got to uncross my arms. Jake kissed me, well sort of. When Laura heard about all this crappola(that’s a word, compliments of Jack Black)she felt so bad and took me out for a soy smoothie, and bought me another bikini. Big sisters are the best! Only after having vanilla ice cream I can honestly say, even though it almost killed me…it was way better than a vanilla soy smoothie from Whole Foods. Sadly I’ll always be one of those vegetarian freaks, who prefers staring at people to talking to them. Life sucks, 3 weeks of my summer, have gone by and this is all that’s happened to me! Wish me luck for the rest of them…..Jane out.





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