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Frozen

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My breathing was even and regular. In through my nose and out through my mouth. My chest rose and fell in the same consistent patter. It swelled up when I breathed in through my nose and my chest fell when I breathed out through my mouth. My left hand moved back and forth across the surface beneath me and light danced on my closed eyelids. I would breathe in as my hand went up and out as my hand went down. In this way hours passed. I am sure people walked by and someone said something but I did not hear or see them. I was aware of nothing but my breathing and the pattern my hand traced. I was not unconscious but neither was I conscious. I was awake and aware but only of what I wished to be aware of. My mind was blank except for four words that were repeated constantly.

In. Up. Out. Down.

In time even those words faded.

Time did freeze for me for when I became aware I thought but minutes had passed when in truth it had been six hours. Frozen was I, in nothing. I had had no thought, no action or reaction, and no awareness but indeed I was conscious. How could I have been frozen? How could my mind have been so clear? I may never know but I do know that though some would say those hours were wasted I believe that they were as important to me as food is to our bodies. They are part of who I am now. They changed me. How? How could they change me when there was no thought or action? I do not know but indeed thy did succeed to do such.




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