I stared, horrified, at myself in the bathroom mirror. Only hours ago, I'd been at school laughing with my friends. It was easy to forget my pain when I wasn't alone. The many distractions of the hectic school day would often save me from myself. But now, I was home, and my mom was at work. Now, I was on my own. No one was here to save me now. My head felt very dizzy. My face was turning red, then purple as the blood was trapped inside of my bulging veins. My hands and arms were shaking, but I could not stop. I had around my neck a thick, striped scarf. I faintly remembered someone complimenting me on it earlier that day, but I hated it. I was using it to kill myself. My shaking hands clutched the ends of the scarf, pulling it tight around my neck. The choking hold was unbearable. I could not breathe. My body, desperate for air, screamed at me to let go...but I couldn't. The mirrored image of myself swayed and crumpled to the ground. The world around me began to fade away...until all was black...suddenly, I could not feel anything. The desperation for oxygen had disappeared, as well as the tight grip of the scarf around my neck. It was a strange feeling, not feeling anything. Almost like floating in space. No gravity. Was I dead? A light, seemingly very far away appeared. It approached me slowly, drawing nearer and nearer. I squinted in the darkness to see what it was. As it came closer, I could barely make out the figure of someone, or something standing in the distance. It was an angel. Dressed in white, flowing robes, and adorned with a golden halo above his head, he stood between two doors. The door on the right was bordered in gold, and flowers decorated the ground before it. It was a beautiful sight. On the left of the gleaming angel, the second door stood. Around its frame, not gold , but deathly serpents engraved in bronze, and on the ground in front lay sharp thorns. Two angels in black, one on each side, gaurded this door. They wore dark, frightful masks, and hoods draped over their heads. Their long, spindly, ashey-white fingers hung from their flowing sleeves of shadowy darkness. I was terrified. I then realized, the sight was not approaching me, but rather I to it. The angel of light(as I will call him) bore an expression on his face that filled me with sorrow. He parted his cherry-red llips to speak. "What is your name?" His voice rang clear as a bell. It was a pleasing sound. I barely mustered the courage to respond. "Alexx Shore" I whispered. His carmel colored eyes bore into mine. "Alexandria Romerez Shore." he spoke, his eyes still in connection with my own. I could not bear to look at him in all his glory, but I was unable to look away. I wondered why he had asked me for my name if he had already known. His gaze broke from my face, and turned to a large, gold and silver book that lay in front of him. I saw on engraved on the front "The Lamb's Book of Life". He flipped through the pages, apparently searching for something. He looked again and again, but seemed unable to find it. He looked up at me grievingly and spoke. "Your name is not in here child." I had a sick feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't sure what that meant, but by the pained and sorrowful look on his angelic face, I knew some sort of evil would become of it. He turned to the angels of darkness, and motioned to them with his radiant hand. I cried out, a look of terror befell my face. He turned, and wept. I too, shed tears of agony, asone of the angels in black lifted the latch to the gates of Hell. The other took me by the arm. I wept with repentance for all my sins, but it was too late. He held me over the scorching flames, never-ending suffering awaited me. I cried out to the angel of light, desperate for a second chance. I did not want to die! I didn't mean to kill myself! He looked up at me, crystal-like tears welled in his eyes. "Your name is not here child." he repeated. I cried in horror, sobbing now, to the God I'd never known, but they cast me down just the same. My Judgement Day had arrived. It was too late. Eternal damnation, was now my fate. I had no one to blame but myself.
Entering the Gates of Hell
December 18, 2009