I spiked the volleyball down and down again. I threw it against the wall. I nailed the groun in front of my feet with it. I even chucked it at the window so hard the glass almost shattered. Yet the anger just kept building up uNtil i almost exploded. Then it dissolved into tears and the tears drowned me in a river of his memory. My heart was tearing at the very seams he put it back together with. Every second anger was ripping it one way while sadness was ripping it the other. Finally, what I had been waiting for, I broke down completely. I collapsed with the loss tugging at the empty hole in my chest. I hit the gorund so hard my lungs shattered and it was so hard to breathe while the tears gathered, I almost died. I only wish I had. I could feel the world slipping into a topspin whirl around me. There was nothing I could do but sit there and cry my eyes dry. I tucked into a tight curl, pushing my head against my knees in an effort to escape. The wrold only spun faster and life rammed me into its boulders, I longed to tear out my insides, to feel nothing. But I had the world resting on my shoulders, it bore down harder and finally I broke. I fell into the depths of the ocean and let the tide pummel me. I chose to just take the punches and kicks instead of fighting back. I was already losing, my life was already ruined...who really cared anymore. So I gave up and finally left this world behind.
October 10, 2009