Rapunzel Revisited MAG

By Janna P., Houston, TX

     Once upon a time, there was a large town called Braid. Braid was powerful and traded with many other towns, making the people and their king very wealthy. He decided to use his wealth to build a castle that all would admire and when completed, the castle truly was magnificent. Its white stone walls were reflected in the stream that ran beside it and many turrets and towers dotted the top of the structure like candles on a cake.

Unfortunately, the town fell on rough times. War with neighboring countries battered the gleaming castle walls and turrets. When peace was finally restored, the only part of the castle still in good repair was the main tower. Everything around the tower lay in ruins. The prince of Braid, who had taken over after his father’s death, decided to build a new castle in a new city he had conquered.

Sometime after the first Once upon a time, a baker’s daughter named Zelly lived in the town of Braid. Unlike most people, Zelly believed in staying clean. Every day she woke up early and bathed in a stream on the edge of town. Then she would dry her hair in the sun and tie it in a bun so it would stay out of the dough as she helped her father make bread. Zelly’s blond hair grew quite long and took longer and longer to dry. The stream where she bathed was next to the white castle. As she waited for her hair to dry, Zelly would lean against the tower and sing to keep herself amused. Zelly had a very beautiful voice, so beautiful that it awoke the stream, ironically named Lake. The stream became fond of the pretty sing-ing girl, and when Zelly spoke out loud about her problems, Lake would listen silently.

One day Zelly walked to the village after her morning bath and discovered the royal carriage outside her father’s bakery. Zelly made a face. The royal family was no longer beloved by its people. They had a reputation for being rude, unkind, and caring only for themselves. There was little hope for the next generation of royals since the son, Prince Wally, was even worse than his parents.

So Zelly quietly slipped in the back door of the bakery. If the royals were looking for serving maids to work in the castle, Zelly did not want to be seen. She slipped into the kitchen, then stopped to listen to the voices coming from the shop.

The prince was talking to her father. “Yes, that is correct, peasant. I need to marry your daughter. My parents say it would be good for our appearance if I wed a commoner. Personally I think my appearance is already impeccable.”

“I’m sorry, Your Royal Highness, my daughter cannot possibly marry you because she ... ahh, well, she isn’t here.” Zelly’s father desperately hoped she had stayed at the stream but Zelly didn’t wait to hear any more. She grabbed some bread and ran back to the stream. There was no way she was going to marry the fathead prince, no matter how rich he was. Not paying attention to where she was going, she ran smack into the side of the white tower. Zelly hadn’t planned on crying, but the shock of hitting something hard and cold changed her plans. She started bawling. Who can blame her? The stream, Lake, heard her crying and decided to ask what was wrong. In all his 50 million years, Lake had never talked to a human before. These first words could make a big difference in his future relationship with humans. He cleared his throat and then uttered a greeting.

“What?” Zelly said in response to a weird noise, looking around for its source.

“Oh, sorry, wrong dialect,” Lake said, now in Zelly’s language. “I heard you crying and wondered if you would tell me your problem. Maybe I can help.”

Zelly located a face in the water and realized the stream was talking. Zelly had read stories about talking streams.

“Well, you see, good stream, the cruel Prince Wally has decided to marry me. I really can’t bear the thought of marrying such a horrible person. He cares for no one save himself.” The girl had stopped crying and was resting her throbbing head against the tower.

“Hmm, that is a problem,” Lake said, thoughtfully. “Why don’t you hide in the tower so the prince cannot reach you?” Zelly looked up the tall tower to the room at the very top.

“How will I get up there? There is no door or stairs.” Zelly wasn’t a very good climber.

“No problem, I’ll lift you up on a spout of water. You might get a little wet.” Zelly had no other ideas so she agreed. Zelly stepped into the stream. Lake created a spout of water like that of a whale’s blow-hole and a very wet Zelly soon reached the top.

The tower room was nice with pillows to sit on and straw for a nice bed. Plus the window had a great view of the countryside and the town of Braid. Zelly looked out, exclaiming, “Oh dear, here comes Prince Wally. Father must have been forced to tell him where I was.”

Sure enough, on the other side of the stream, Prince Wally’s carriage could be seen rolling up the hill. The carriage’s loud colors of orange and pink contrasted sharply with the pale colors of the steam and meadow flowers. When it reached the stream and stopped, Prince Wally, dressed in much the same colors as his carriage, stepped out to address Zelly.

“Maiden Rapunzel, whom I spot in the tower, you must come down now so we can wed on the morrow. Hurry up ... I am hungry.”

What a gentleman, Zelly thought.

“Please, Your Highness, I go by Zelly. I am sorry to report I cannot meet your request. As you can see, the tower has no stairs or other means to climb in or out. I cannot come down and you will have to invent a way to get me down before I can marry you.” He’ll never be able to marry me now, Zelly thought, triumphantly.

Oh, drat, the Prince thought.

“Char, come here and help me.” Char, Prince Wally’s personal assistant, stopped brushing the horses.

“How do I get her down?” Wally whined. “I would marry another commoner, but this one makes good bread.”

“Why don’t you ask her how she got up there?” suggested Char. Zelly heard that, and had to think quickly.

“An enchantress flew by and saw me by the stream. She said she hadn’t done anything bad all day so she flew me up here to make herself feel better.”

“Oh,” said Prince Wally.

Right, thought Char.

Later for supper, Zelly ate the bread she had brought. When it got dark, Char set up the Prince’s tent and everyone went to sleep. In the morning, Zelly woke up quite early. She looked out and wished she could wash her hair since she was so used to washing it every day. She took it out of its bun and let it fall down the side of the tower. Her hair had grown so long that it reached the ground! Char woke and saw Zelly’s golden hair streaming out of the tower window.

“Would you be a dear and pour water from the stream on my hair?” she asked.

“Sure, but I can’t reach all of it,” Char replied.

“I guess you could climb up it,” Zelly said, hoping this wouldn’t hurt. Char took a bucket from the carriage and began washing her hair. When he had washed all he could reach, he refilled his bucket and climbed up and poured it onto a higher spot. Back and forth between the stream and the tower, Char finally reached the top of the tower. He lay on the floor panting.

“Thank you so much!” Zelly exclaimed. Before Char could reply, Prince Wally woke up. He actually had more brains than most people thought because he was able to realize that he, too, could climb Zelly’s hair to get to the top. Then they could cut it off, tie it to the window and slide back down.

“I’ll climb up to you, Rapunzel,” the prince called.

“Oh dear,” Zelly said. “We can’t have that. Char, help me pull my hair up.” Rapunzel’s hair was heavy from the water but they managed to pull it out of the prince’s reach.

“So, you don’t want to marry him?” Char asked.

“Who would?” Zelly replied. The prince ran to the base of the tower and began shouting for Rapunzel to throw her hair back down. He even started beating his fists against the tower.

“I hate working for that guy,” Char pointed his thumb at Prince Wally. “He’s a real loser.”

“I know how we can both get rid of him,” said Zelly. “This water is making my hair heavy; why don’t we drop it on him?” Meanwhile, the Prince had decided to stop screaming and try some poetry. Prince Wally began, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let your golden hair down ... ”

So she did, and crushed him flat on the ground.



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This article has 37 comments.


i love this !

WOW. Amazing. Great job!!!!!!!

on May. 9 2017 at 7:24 pm
Artistic_Geek_Roo_10 SILVER, Albuquerque, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Happiness can be found in the darkest of places, but only if one remembers to turn on the light."
Albus Dumbledore

This is hilarious and a really good twist on this fairy tale!

on May. 5 2016 at 2:49 pm
_Meredith.Ann_,
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."














-Unknown

Wow... I did not see that ending coming...But I loved it!

on Aug. 15 2015 at 8:42 pm
Summerstar SILVER, Clinton, Utah
9 articles 1 photo 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
“For he shall give his angels charge over you, to keep you in your ways. And they will bear you up in their hands…” Psalms 91:11-12

That was certainly interesting. I found it very amusing although it was very differently done and caught me somewhat off guard, it was good, really funny and the part about her hair reminded me of the one trailer for "Tangled" where she dropped all her hair on Flynn and the horse started laughing. It was a well thought-out twist, keep writing.

on Nov. 24 2014 at 9:56 am
French_Gold SILVER, Waynesville, Georgia
9 articles 0 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
There's plenty of sense in nonsense, if you wish to look for it.
-Cassandra Clare

Wow! You just crushed the Rapunzel fairy tale. Awesome! Are you doing random fairy tales or are they specific. Because I'd like to see how you'd Beauty and the Beast

on Apr. 18 2014 at 1:05 am
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

That's so funny! I love how you named him Char, like Charming. This is really clever, and I'm so envious of that talent. I love reading parodies. (: really cool story.

Kissybutt said...
on Jun. 7 2012 at 11:07 pm
I think it was a really good story. Very funny. You have talent!

on Apr. 25 2012 at 9:02 am
kimberdawn SILVER, Sedalia, Missouri
7 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
The sun, with all these planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it has nothing else in the universe to do.









~Galileo

This was...entertaining....I love how the perspective changed. Keep up the good work!

 


on Mar. 8 2012 at 8:00 am
Miranda_K. BRONZE, Donora, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am only one, but still I am one; I cannot do everything but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do something I can do.







~ Edward E. Hale

I loved this story. (Blue4) I'd love to read your work.

vanslyckk said...
on Dec. 21 2011 at 3:35 pm
vanslyckk, Miami, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And in writing your future, don't let anyone else hold the pen."
-Unknown

This is really funny, I literally laughed out loud. I started a retelling once... let's just say it didn't turn out so well haha. Keep up the good work!

on Oct. 30 2011 at 10:37 pm
Great job!  I've actually considered retelling the Rapunzel story myself once in a while, but I've never quiet gotten around to it.  I loved your ending!  Very, very funny. :)

Tesha17 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 19 2011 at 11:35 am
Tesha17 BRONZE, Roy, Utah
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Can't never did anything."
"When life gives you lemons, squirt juice in your enemies eye."
"ya, i try. Doesn't always work, but i do try."

Wow! new way of looking at it, but it's creative and funny! good job reforming the story. it's awesome^0^

on Aug. 8 2011 at 7:48 pm
Laura_Oliver GOLD, Manchester, Connecticut
12 articles 2 photos 122 comments
I don't know if this is the effect you wanted to give off, but I found this story very funny, especially the ending. If you wanted ending to be shocking I would try to make the beginning of the story less on the lighter side. I love this story anyway! It's so creative.

on Aug. 3 2011 at 2:53 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

How interesting and creative!

Can someone look at some of my work, rate and comment, please?


on Jul. 12 2011 at 4:48 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

it was a great story! I loved it! I just posted my two new stories called the beast and nightstalker, if any of u read it make sure u post comments saying if you like it or not or if i should change anything about it. Thanks! :D

on May. 3 2011 at 3:21 pm
flyingpinkgiraffes PLATINUM, Chardon, Ohio
24 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When in doubt, kill your main character." ~Me
"Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere."

beats the origonal rapunzel, that's for sure lol

on Feb. 11 2011 at 3:01 pm
Saphirra BRONZE, Auburn, Pennsylvania
4 articles 13 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Falling is just like flying except there’s a more permanent destination.” -Some person on Tumblr

I love this version! It was funny and now one of my favorite articles on Teen Ink!

tahir GOLD said...
on Jan. 24 2011 at 12:41 am
tahir GOLD, El Cerrito, California
17 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"the beggar can be the king as the king is the beggar"

ha ha ha that was sooo  funny i loved this your amazing.

on Jan. 21 2011 at 1:24 pm
alicabrera SILVER, Dexter, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 6 comments
very good job!!!!!!




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