Lil' Red RIdin' in Da Hood!!!

November 22, 2011
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Hello, my name is Agent 007½. I am a highly trained assanian. Agent 007, the one, the only James Bond, trained me. I am a cold-blooded killer.

“Ok, agent 007½ it is time for your next assignment”
“Yes sir, who is on my hit list now?”
“Your next assignment, terminate the big purple dinosaur, Barney.”
“Okay, let me get out my Blackberry and try to fit that into my immense schedule… how about today after lunch? Sound good?”
“Yes agent 007½ that will be perfect, my only request is that you give me his head once you are done with him, it would make a good piece for my fireplace mantle in my lair. Sounds good sir, will do.”

I’ve had an insane child hood, I’ll admit it. I lost both my parents at age 12, they got kidnapped by Elmo. It wasn’t very funny when Elmo had a Barret .50 Caliber bullet through his fluffy red temple, Tickle me now Elmo!

The location of my next subject is at his headquarters approximately 32.8 miles away. His headquarters, Toys ‘R’ Us in Los Angeles California… 3 Hours later, my weapons of choice for this task are, my trusty cross bow, my AK 74u Submachine gun, and my L96A1 sniper rifle. I am ready for war. I know for a fact that entering this compound will not be an easy task at all. The keys for this breach will be, staying low so his high tech surveillance equipment doesn’t notice any movements I will have to be very stealthy. If I can stick to my game plan, I will be completely fine… at least I hope so. This I s very risky task for anyone to complete, one person against a massive purple dinosaur and his minions. To any normal person, this task might seem impossible, but for me, it is just reality.

My entry point is the air vent on the south side of the building. I would have to climb up the fire ladder onto the roof, then make my way into the vent and through the metal, and snake like air pipes. Its time, this is my time, lets go. I skillfully traversed up the fire ladder onto the charcoal roof of that massive warehouse. I entered with an intense amount of adrenaline running through my blood. I find that adrenaline is the best, “natural high” that you can ever get. It’s like no other feeling at all.

After about forty-five minutes of navigating the chilled air pipes, I finally found Barney’s lair. Three words to describe his lair, immense, scary, and gold-plated. Gold everything! I never realized that you could put that much gold into one area, I guess that I was wrong.

I was now lying prone in an air vent, and I had my sights on my target, he wasn’t that difficult of a shot either. I counted down in my head, three, two, and one. Boom! A clean shot with my L96A1 sniper rifle, right between his big, bulging eyes, my enemy was down and out for good. Out like a light.

My last task was to chop off his head and bring it back to my boss, that’s exactly what I did. I took my time driving back to 007 HQ. I had a large sense of accomplishment inside me. Once I got back to HQ, James told me that I should be proud, I knew deep down that I was, there was now one less evil, story tale character on the loose.





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Mango777 said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 1:43 am
Very funny story. :) I love it.
 
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