Taking Control

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Lines of sweat bead down from my brown buzzed hair. My nerves rise. I peer over the edge; my naked toes clench the hot metal beam connecting concrete to the reflective glass.
“This is a bad idea Dan!” The officer steals the words from my thoughts, “You’ll be okay. Just step off the ledge and meet me in the lobby. You’ll be okay.”
I’ll be okay? Really? Since when have I ever been okay?
*
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*
“Danny, sweetheart, while you’re out can you grab me a 12 pack, and maybe some cigarettes too, you know my favorites,” My mother commands expecting me to be her servant boy. “Well, Nancy, I think you should get them from now on. Considering you’re going to die one day from them, you can get out of bed for once and actually buy them.” With her lips clenched she looks away, “Dan I didn’t raise you to give me attitude, I raised you to listen to my commands and to follow them. I’m you’re mother and I’m in control”
*
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*
Footsteps from behind break my concentration, I hear a door slam open, followed by many footsteps dropping in unison. With these pounding steps come sound of metal clanking metal and guns clanking guns. Then, all at once, they stop. The quiet is interrupted by a megaphone enhanced voice, “Dan! Your mother would like for you to step down.” I say nothing; my silence is filled with thoughts. What does Nancy care? She probably only knows I’m here because of the three news choppers circling this building, because of them she can stay at home and see her servant boy ‘take control.’”
The officer’s walkie beeps, “You got a visual?” “Yeah yeah, looks about 5’ 10,” black slacks, white tee, bare foot.” The radio screeches back, “Bare foot right, we found his shoes in the lobby.” I hear concrete start to crunch; he must be walking my way.
“Stop!” I wheel around and yell.
“Now sir, don’t do anything you’d regret.” The officer commands as he brings his right hand to his holster. “Whatever I do here, I will certainly not regret.” I say as I face the open sky, “I’ve been playing this moment out in my mind for many years now and it always ends the same.”
My heels rise. I hear deep breaths from behind. For years I’d watched my mother slowly kill herself with her selfish addictions. Now I’d have her watch helplessly as I killed myself for those very reasons.
“Sir, this isn’t smart, you’re going to affect more than just yourself.”
“Good,” I leap forward.





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