I remember that dreadful day like it happened yesterday. The whole day seemed off in the first place, my close family members crowded around me in my room. The more my family members surrounded me, the more claustrophobic I felt. There were tears rolling down their cheeks like a waterfall. I already knew a swarm of bad news was coming my way. I just hoped that it wasn’t the news I was thinking of. I pray to God it’s not that dreadful news.
“Your mom went to sleep,” my grandfather blurted out followed by the sobs of my family members including him.
It didn’t click at first, why were they telling me that she went to sleep? Sleep… sleep? She’s gone? Every tear cascaded down my flushed cheeks. I already knew this must have been the news, but it was so shocking to actually hear she’s gone. We all knew that she was going to leave this desolated planet soon; she’s been so sick, always in the hospital. My family tried to prepare me and my sister for this day to come, but we all know that’s it’s highly impossible to prepare children to lose their mother, the woman that carried them for 9 month and loved them for many more.
We knew it was going to happen soon, a lady from the Hospice Center came to the house and told us about her illness. I didn’t want to believe her, I didn’t believe her. That’s my mom, I would never believe my mom would die at such an early age. More tears flowed down my face as I thought about that day; I wish I would have believed her and spent much more time with my mother instead of running away from the problem at hand.
My grandmother got rid of my heart broken family members and picked out my clothes for me; she knew I did not feel like picking out any at the moment. Everyone was silent as they walked out of my chilly room, giving me enough time to get dressed before they came back to check up on me. We walked out in unison to the cars to see my momma one last time.
As we pulled up to the Hospice Center, goosebumps appeared all over my body, I never imagined I would have to say goodbye to my mom this early. I’m only 15, just 15. The lady at the front desk didn’t ask questions, she just led us to her room, already knowing who we came to see. Every step I took, my heart beat sped up. Anticipation swelled up in my body ready to explode. We sat outside of my mother’s door for a good two minutes before the lady from the front desk slowly opened the door.
There she lay in her bed. The bed was raised slightly to preserve her body for us to be able to see her body for the last time. My knees started to weaken as everyone strolled into her room. I stood from afar, observing what used to be my mother. I watched my grandmother struggle to get her eyes close, but the rigor mortis had set in already. Their nurses were so kind to fold her hands. She looked like she was at peace, she was at peace. I could already feel the tears flowing down my face as I walked in and placed my warm hand on her chilled empty body.
Her face seemed like she was at finally at ease. Her eyes slightly open and mouth hanging down like she normally slept. She had on her favorite blue gown, I could already sense she was happy because of that blue gown. Her nails were perfectly done, like she always had them. She would always have her nails done in case she meets a “hot doctor”. All memories of her started flooding back into my head. Every movie, every trip to Disney and Sea World. Even when my family found out how sick she was. My body aches for her to still be here, but she’s with the Lord now. She needed to be with Him. He’s the only one that can heal her, even if that means taking her away from everyone that loves and cares about her.
Everyone prayed over her as I held my sister, who was shedding buckets of tears. I knew this is just as hard for her. We both cried over our mother, who we know is still in our hearts. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore. She was hurting so much while on Earth and we couldn’t stop her pain, only God could.
It is difficult to deal with the loss of a parent. It’s worse when you have to go through it at a young age, but eventually we come to deal with it. I still have my moments where I miss the sound of her voice. I’ll start to cry about not having my mom around when a lot of people; have their moms, but I can’t keep wishing for her to come back. She’s happier and healthier than ever. There was nothing we could do here on Earth.
Even if you prepare for someone’s death, you’re never really prepared for it, God will take people at any moment. You just have to know that life is not promised and continue to love on that person who’s dying until their very last day and every day after that. It hurts to know they’re gone, but overtime you will get over the pain and be able to celebrate the good times you and that loved one had.
The death of my mom changed my whole perspective on life and death. I weep for the people who die, but praise the people who God let walk on this Earth. After losing my mom, I respect and love everyone how I want to be loved and respected because you never know what pain they have going on in their lives. It was a struggle to get to this point, but I’m glad God gave me the strength to overcome this dreadful experience and helped me find the lesson within it.