Never Just

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“I love you.” Three words…three little words hiding somewhere in me. I was honest…for once. And things would never be the same.
Have you ever had someone who, you thought, would stay with you forever if you asked? I did. But she’s gone.
Everything we did, we did together. Phone calls dialed before noon turned into late night conversations. And although we were hours apart during the week, on weekends we were inseparable.
Everything was just fine. Just…what a terrible adjective. No one should ever have to be just anything. But we were friends. Just friends. And now she’s gone.
When her dad moved, we still had our phone calls…but what was once every weekend turned into every other. Every other turned into once a month. And now…it’s been almost two years. How did it come to that?
Those three words. Just eight letters…just…there it is again. If only things didn’t happen the way they did. If only I hadn’t lied to her…if only her dad hadn’t moved away…if only…if only I hadn’t used those three little words.
Now she’s gone. And I’ve changed…thinking in some way it might bring her back. Was it the way I looked that pushed her away? Probably not. But I lost 75 pounds for her. Was it because I didn’t have academic goals? No. But I went from a 1.5 GPA one semester to a 3.875 another for her. She’s gone. And I’m glad.
People grow. We change. Now, I focus on what matters: an education. Making a life for myself…one I’ll decide. I’ve always had goals…but never a way to reach them.
Now that she’s come and gone, I can live the life I’ve always wanted. Whether it’s because of her or not, I’m happy with where I am and where I’m going.





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