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My Shoulders Are Heavy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.


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With every step I take, with every breath, and with every movement, there is a little more weight on my shoulders. Included in that is everything I carry around with me, like my ability to recognize the gifts of life, my deep train of thought, and my fear of a passing life. These three things probably weigh the heaviest, but without them my life would be unbalanced. These are the things I reflect on the most and enjoy carrying the most.

When I walk my dog at 8 p.m., I notice his little legs push, one in front of the other, making him move. What is making him walk? I look beyond it wondering, What gave us this? What created this? That thought adds a bit more weight to my shoulders.

As I continue my journey walking Tomy around the neighborhood, I stop by an opening that faces a great lake. The houses are all built around half of the lake and on the other half is a colossal mangrove forest like Narnia. No one knows what lies in it. It's 8:07 when I reach that opening to the lake; the moon is rising above the mangroves and gives the water a beautiful shine. It is like my own Crater Lake.

As my eyes wander over its beauty, I am thankful for these gifts. I look at my watch – 8:12, time to continue. So I put my ability to recognize life's gifts on my shoulders and continue walking.

I'm walking by another street and thoughts are rushing through my mind. Then one leads to another, and the train has left the station. All those thoughts now become coal and power my train of thought. I'll be thinking about something as random as pencils and in the next thought cars are racing through my mind. This is a little world and I am the owner. Anything can happen, but I control it.

It is now 8:16 and I am turning left onto another street. The train of thought is back on my shoulders, and I continue walking as I approach home.

It's 8:17, and I am standing in front of my house, reminiscing. The walk happened already. One moment I was standing in front of the lake, and now I am facing my house. That time already happened; it's gone. I can never relive it. I can attempt to, but it won't be the same. Time flashes by and we have to make the most of it. Today I was dropped off at my high school; tomorrow I'll be dropping my kids off at their high school. It's scary how time passes and even scarier to see how the people who don't appreciate it end up. We need to live life to the fullest because in the end, what is life but a buildup of memories?

With the fear of time passing on my shoulders, I put one foot in front of the other and open the door, unleash Tomy, and head to my room. I start up the stairs and see how the house has changed – the colors, the paintings, the style. One fad comes and another goes. I get to my room, open my desk, and see all my school IDs. Life is passing quickly; third grade to tenth is in front of me, and it is unbelievable. I feel saddened and scared, and I begin to reflect. Although it is frightening how life goes by in the blink of an eye, it's a beautiful thing. God has given us this gift of life, and I am living it.

In that moment of meditation, I realize I don't carry three things; they have become one. It is now and I go downstairs for dinner. I see my mom and brother to my right, my sister across from me, and my dad to the left. I am slowly building memories and creating a life to reflect on. The ability to recognize life's gifts, a deep train of thought, and a fear of a passing life – these are the things I carry, and my shoulders are heavy.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 3 comments. Post your own!

HannahBanana23 said...
Nov. 9, 2010 at 2:20 pm:

wow thats amazing, how you talk about what is burdening you the most and what your suppose to feel and love.

 

 
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Jingmei said...
Feb. 18, 2010 at 12:15 pm:
I love it, man.
You speak of burdens and weighty thoughts with a tenderness, as though you do not mind having them :] which is exactly what I think God wants us to feel and love.
God always with you!
 
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Goldstein said...
Feb. 18, 2010 at 11:19 am:
This really moved me, you are the heartbeat of America. With the words you write i feel the emotion pounding in my chest. You will be an inspirational speaker for years to come. Mazel Tov
 
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