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College Essay In Need Of Critique

Once a child of cliches, I ate my words.
Became obese; Was proud to be American.
Enjoys the taste of a freshly baked poem, any time of day.
Frequently brushes, but forgets to floss.
Wakes up with morning breath.

Was born of parents too young,
And put up for adoption.
Was taken in love, unrequited; My bad.
I scribbled on the walls
and called it my life story.

Made love for the first time and knew
What it was to write poetry.
Bored by the straight-forwardness of prose;
Became a fan of haikus and dying quotes.
Lost interest in High School Academics.

Read John Galt's speech.
Best two hours of my life.
Was late to class;
Cursed Ayn Rand.
Pondered objectivism, in detention.

Went to many parties; Lost my shoes.
Ended up skinny dipping; Lost my clothes.
Gave in to dares; Lost humility.
Second guessed my sexuality; Lost stability.
Got a girlfriend; Started winning.

Began having opinions;
Parents were angry.
Stopped caring if lies were white.
Became fond of black.
Bought tight pants.

Household turned war zone.
Fought for gay marriage;
And an allowance.
Score one for homosexuality.
Zero for me.

Applied to college,
For a brighter tomorrow.
Jumped for joy; Broke a fluorescent light bulb.
Laughed myself to sleep;
Forgot to clean up the Mercury.



Join the Discussion


This article has 18 comments. Post your own!

redcat said...
Sept. 17, 2013 at 12:32 am:
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! I have never heard of a college essay in poem form, but this is brilliant! I love how it so accurately describes who you are. I certainly wish I was this creative. It is an essay that I remember in the multitude that I have read on this site- Congrats!
 
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Imania said...
Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:48 pm:
Focuses a bit too much on the negative. Bad for your application. excellent imagery but the reader cannot sufficiently gleen from your good qualities other than your writing
 
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bsabs said...
Jan. 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm:
The first two lines of this made me laugh out loud. Astounding work!
 
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mariarosamarinelli said...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 6:12 pm:
Just brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
 
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Tahia A. said...
Oct. 26, 2010 at 7:50 am:
This poem is fascinating. I would surely love to write something like this.
 
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brietle said...
May 1, 2010 at 5:47 am:
I have the chills right now. This is so amazing. The college that you use this to apply to will definitely thinks so too, as you will stand out among the rest. Good luck!
 
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babyrae said...
Apr. 29, 2010 at 9:44 pm:

This is seriously amazing.

I've never heard of anyone writing their essay in poetry form, but from what I can tell, you've definitely accomplished it. 

This is just so cool. I can't get over it, haha.

 
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mary_blue356 said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 6:27 am:
wow!!! I like your essay and you've done it very well in poetry form.
It's interesting.
 
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mezclia said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 11:21 pm:
WOW. i REALLLY enjoyed that :D
 
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burnltd0wn This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 20, 2009 at 10:57 am:
haha well its a hell of a risk. some colleges wont even take a second look. my hope is they will =)
 
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Kelsf said...
Sept. 19, 2009 at 11:22 pm:
Wow this was extremely well written. I was also considering writing my essay in the form of poetry.
 
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sarahxinsane921 said...
Sept. 12, 2009 at 11:48 pm:
This Was Wonderful.
Much Better Than Anything Ive Read In Awhile... Inspiring.
 
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Anika C. said...
Sept. 11, 2009 at 3:55 am:
this was absolutely refreshing! great work! (:
 
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monikaaa said...
Sept. 7, 2009 at 9:59 pm:
wow, this is so different, i love it
 
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mkillen said...
Sept. 7, 2009 at 11:19 am:
unique + awesome = epic win
 
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AAA123 said...
Sept. 7, 2009 at 5:45 am:
Great ideas - make sure that the verb tenses are all the same.
 
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dell45 said...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 2:34 pm:
Wow! Very different and unique. I enjoyed this immensely. Great job :)
 
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phoebe-bird said...
Sept. 2, 2009 at 8:24 am:
You're a great fit for Hampshire
 
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