College Essay In Need Of Critique

July 22, 2009
By SeanQuigley GOLD, Gray, Maine
SeanQuigley GOLD, Gray, Maine
12 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Once a child of cliches, I ate my words.
Became obese; Was proud to be American.
Enjoys the taste of a freshly baked poem, any time of day.
Frequently brushes, but forgets to floss.
Wakes up with morning breath.

Was born of parents too young,
And put up for adoption.
Was taken in love, unrequited; My bad.
I scribbled on the walls
and called it my life story.

Made love for the first time and knew
What it was to write poetry.
Bored by the straight-forwardness of prose;
Became a fan of haikus and dying quotes.
Lost interest in High School Academics.

Read John Galt's speech.
Best two hours of my life.
Was late to class;
Cursed Ayn Rand.
Pondered objectivism, in detention.

Went to many parties; Lost my shoes.
Ended up skinny dipping; Lost my clothes.
Gave in to dares; Lost humility.
Second guessed my sexuality; Lost stability.
Got a girlfriend; Started winning.

Began having opinions;
Parents were angry.
Stopped caring if lies were white.
Became fond of black.
Bought tight pants.

Household turned war zone.
Fought for gay marriage;
And an allowance.
Score one for homosexuality.
Zero for me.

Applied to college,
For a brighter tomorrow.
Jumped for joy; Broke a fluorescent light bulb.
Laughed myself to sleep;
Forgot to clean up the Mercury.



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This article has 19 comments.


on Jan. 11 2015 at 10:32 am
artparisone BRONZE, Noida, Other
2 articles 21 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only way to have a friend is to be one."

This is wonderful. Honestly great job done!

redcat said...
on Sep. 17 2013 at 12:32 am
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! I have never heard of a college essay in poem form, but this is brilliant! I love how it so accurately describes who you are. I certainly wish I was this creative. It is an essay that I remember in the multitude that I have read on this site- Congrats!

Imania said...
on Jun. 14 2012 at 10:48 pm
Focuses a bit too much on the negative. Bad for your application. excellent imagery but the reader cannot sufficiently gleen from your good qualities other than your writing

bsabs said...
on Jan. 12 2012 at 5:42 pm
The first two lines of this made me laugh out loud. Astounding work!

on Sep. 12 2011 at 6:12 pm
mariarosamarinelli BRONZE, Henrico, VA, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 5 comments
Just brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Tahia Alam said...
on Oct. 26 2010 at 7:50 am
Tahia Alam, Dhaka, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This poem is fascinating. I would surely love to write something like this.

brietle BRONZE said...
on May. 1 2010 at 5:47 am
brietle BRONZE, Levittown, New York
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. Solid flesh can never live up to the bright shadow cast by its absence."

I have the chills right now. This is so amazing. The college that you use this to apply to will definitely thinks so too, as you will stand out among the rest. Good luck!

babyrae BRONZE said...
on Apr. 29 2010 at 9:44 pm
babyrae BRONZE, Columbus, Indiana
3 articles 2 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People are trapped in history and history is trapped in them. "
-James A. Baldwin

"The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
-Mark Twain

This is seriously amazing.

I've never heard of anyone writing their essay in poetry form, but from what I can tell, you've definitely accomplished it. 

This is just so cool. I can't get over it, haha.


on Feb. 24 2010 at 6:27 am
BloodyMary PLATINUM, N/A, Other
22 articles 8 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a box of chocolates; You never know what you are gonna get.

wow!!! I like your essay and you've done it very well in poetry form.

It's interesting.

mezclia said...
on Feb. 2 2010 at 11:21 pm
WOW. i REALLLY enjoyed that :D

on Sep. 20 2009 at 10:57 am
SeanQuigley GOLD, Gray, Maine
12 articles 0 photos 4 comments
haha well its a hell of a risk. some colleges wont even take a second look. my hope is they will =)

Kelsf said...
on Sep. 19 2009 at 11:22 pm
Wow this was extremely well written. I was also considering writing my essay in the form of poetry.

on Sep. 12 2009 at 11:48 pm
sarahxinsane921 SILVER, St. Charles, Missouri
5 articles 4 photos 10 comments
This Was Wonderful.

Much Better Than Anything Ive Read In Awhile... Inspiring.

anikac said...
on Sep. 11 2009 at 3:55 am
anikac, Chittagong, Other
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
this was absolutely refreshing! great work! (:

monikaaa said...
on Sep. 7 2009 at 9:59 pm
wow, this is so different, i love it

mkillen said...
on Sep. 7 2009 at 11:19 am
unique + awesome = epic win

AAA123 said...
on Sep. 7 2009 at 5:45 am
Great ideas - make sure that the verb tenses are all the same.

dell45 said...
on Sep. 6 2009 at 2:34 pm
Wow! Very different and unique. I enjoyed this immensely. Great job :)

on Sep. 2 2009 at 8:24 am
phoebe-bird SILVER, Shanghai, Other
7 articles 2 photos 8 comments
You're a great fit for Hampshire


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