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I am not an actual person! I am (insert Common App ID)

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So it's only a few more hours till midnight right now. I've got a headache behind both my eyes, and my cranium is in a major state of confuzzlement. Tonight has been filled with college apps and nonsensical Physics things like center of momentum, which is really ironic because right now I don't actually feel like I have a center of momentum, figuratively speaking. Want to know why?

Because doing college apps makes me feel dehumanized.

I understand that it's not the colleges' fault that gazillions of people apply every year, nor is it their fault that I've been reduced from being the crazy, wacko, and epically awkward Vivian to a 7 digit number on a college form. I know that they do their best to bring out the, you know, person in each student applying. But that doesn't take away the fact that doing these apps can be pretty terrifying. Writing the essays is fine, but filling out the forms gives me one of the strangest feelings in the world. Suddenly, that SAT 2 score or GPA that I slaved over during all hours of the night and day is just a number. To me, those results are symbolic of my personal achievement as I tried to attain some measure of discipline during junior year. To me, they also represent loss of sleep, hours of frustration (as my brain tries to wrap itself around the logic of say, a calculus function), and sometimes tears. To the admissions officer, it's just a number.

Scary, right?

To be fair, the admissions officers probably feel the same way. Swamped, overloaded, and wishing that students saw them as real people rather than as scary Admissions Officers Who Tend To Reject People Especially If They Work At Competitive Schools. I feel kind of exhausted right now, to be honest. I can't help but worry that I'll be rejected by every school I apply to, and I can't help but a feel a bit nauseated about being 1 applicant in a pool of tens of thousands of equally tired students. The college applications process is pretty stressful for both applicants and admissions folks.
So here's what I have to say.

For a moment, for like...a minute, let's just forget about this stuff. For a minute, let's be shamelessly cheesy and think about the good things in life. Beautiful stuffed animals that will take over the world. Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies with melted chocolate chips. Fluffy clouds that I'll never get to sleep in. Glancing at the clock and thinking, wow, I've wasted lots of time, and then wasting more time anyway. Laughing hysterically whenever the physics teacher says, "Practice those...balls." Hugging a sleepy friend who looks like they've put purple makeup under their eyes.

As well as reading long, rambly notes written by Yours, truly. *guilty smile.* Sorry for the randomness, guys, my brain is a creature of its own that just won't listen to me. Grrr.

This college apps stuff sucks sometimes. But I just keep telling myself, it's gonna be over soon. Besides, I've already compiled a list of Things I Must Do Before Heading Off To College. Like learning how to ride a bike and watching Star Wars. It's gonna be over before we know it, seniors! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Dear college apps, you irk me sometimes. But in a few months you won't matter to me anymore. SO THERE.

Besides, I'm going to Hogwarts anyway.



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