Home > Book (Nonfiction) > Memoir > Up from the Dark: An epileptic girl's Struggle for her academics and voice > Chapter 4
Up from the Dark: An epileptic girl's Struggle for her academics and voice
Chapter 4: Harder or easier: Am I a person who gives up or goes for the gold?Many times in my life I wanted to throw my goal in the garbage and forget about it. Most of the time the goals I wanted to reach felt like a one ton snail shell was thrown on my back! From grade K onto grade seven. I'd always end up with a C or C+. My dad always remarked “Rachel NEVER rest on your lourals.” Well this happened four eight years down the road. I would start great, like being on the top of the world, to failing badly and being back at the bottom. I just couldn't get my head straight. I tried harder and harder. Yet I realized I wasn't trying hard enough.
I had to bring things up a notch. I kept on going. I knew it won't take a good nights sleep and there you have it. It won't even work if I pretended that I was eighteen and won a lottery. Gave all the money I won to my teacher. On the other hand to help my grades but I leaned back those days. It all ended when it was the end of seventh grade. I realized that those grades will now go on my college record. I wanted A's because I had a dream college I wanted to be in. I wanted to become a teacher. I didn't want to go to any college. I wanted to go to an Ivy League college. Columbia University.
Plus I love New York city. For it's beeping horns, and people up 24/7. The “City that never sleeps.” I would always announce. I understood for that to happen I needed to set up a goal. A goal I knew that won't take overnight to complete. It would take patience and confidence. Though something that helped me do this good with being patient was working with special Education students. They are so much fun and loving. I started helping special education in Third grade. Stopped and then went back doing it in sixth, seventh and now eighth grade.
Over time I gained confidence and now for the first time ever I am a honer roll student! Yet I am not going to stop working. Lacking education would be really bad for a person who wants to go to an Ivy League college. So I keep on working and working. I was in part-time special education for math. My dad thought that I am not working hard enough so I won't come out of it. Yet I secretly studied on my own, after the seventh grade year was over I got out of that math class and was mainstreamed.
There are things that are worth going for and there are things that you should not even do. If there is a goal which includes breaking the rules than don't do it. It will lead you into a lot of trouble. If you do a goal which won't lead you into something that won't leave you into a bad situation then that is a good goal to reach. Even when there is a hard goal that you can't do on your own, it's better to give it a shot than not try it at all. You will get a quarter of the way to the top.
Just imagine that you are trying to catch the worlds rarest bird a fligaflashka bird to get a million of dollars. It is better to attempt what you want to do it. Rather than give it a drop back and not 15 not even do it at all. I thought that I would never be able to complete what I wanted by getting a honer roll. Yet I knew that I wanted to do it. There are hard things to do in life. I had to overcome many difficult obstacles. I overcame them just by giving an effort. That's what Mrs. Bialecki told me. It is better to give an effort and fail, rather than not do anything at all.
The hardest obstacle for me to overcome had to be getting better grades. I overcame it. Just because now I have good grades doesn’t mean that I won't get the biggest world prize. I have to keep on working to sustain those grades. Honestly for me it is pretty difficult to stay on the simplistic task sometimes. Just because I would daze of into a imaginary world. I would then regret that I did not do what was asked.
Keeping my grades steady is the same. If you are trying to teach me something I could see a goat and easily just start watching it. I try to keep my grades steady and as of today, I am improving bit by bit. I am a physical learner so if you would teach me some thing verbally it would be hard for me to process unless if you explain it to me physically. Then I get it. Uselessly I would get engaged to a topic I enjoy and do it well.
I try to my best ability to do kid. I mean I don't like being a parrot and repeating what people say to me. Instead I like to glean knowledge by taking bits of pieces and putting it than all together like a puzzle. Then a light bulb pops over my head and I could explain what I just learned. That's easy for me. I can't get all my ideas in one minute by learning. It usually takes me a hour to take notes. Than I can put the information I found with my idea and Boom! I understood a second way. The only problem is I don't like learning new methods of solving new things.
Right there is a goal for me. When a new method is shown to me I would constantly look at the one I learned earlier. My dad would scratch his head and wonder why I would do the method the school
teachers taught me rather then what he wants to since most of the time I refuse to learn new methods from him. I would always tell him I am frustrated with what he is giving me. When in reality I was, and wanted to learn how to do it the way I was taught at school.
I enjoy doing things what he teaches me. The only problem is I am always scared that I would use it during the wrong period of time. What I realized is that my dad is teaching me what will be covered in my future. I realized that already countless number of times. Every time a new lesson is starting most of the time it ends up that my dad taught me this before hand.
The only problem is my parents are divorced. I see my dad only twice a month. The rest of the time I talk to him on the phone. It gets FRUSTRATING! I have one idea he has another we can't communicate depending on our needs on the phone. No matter how mad my dad was at me he always helped me. No matter what the situation was.
My dad always went for the gold. This was tough for him. Trying to prove to my mom that I was smart and I could succeed. Papa did it successfully. I went from being a failing student to being a honer roll student. All because of his help. And my effort.
I knew I wanted it. I worked hard. My dad worked hard. And now I have it. I am writing it in this chapter a thank you. Thank you dad for getting me were I am now.