Kiss This: Part 1
Author's note: I really wanted to share my story and teach others the misconceptions they go through in their... Show full author's note »
The PretenderEvery teenager normally wishes, at some point in their life, that they could obtain their freedom, and live rebelliously against the world. But it’s not so funny when the cliché actually ends up being exactly what you wished for. That’s how I started off. I just wished, with all my heart, that I could be free and unbothered with. That turned around quickly, though, when I got what I wished for, but instead of rebelling against the all the bad parts of the world, I rebelled against the good.
Usually, that’s how my mornings go. Then I progress my day by throwing snappy comments at people who don't deserve my anger. All I do is look around watching my life fall apart screaming. I always make plans to change, but I always give up. Its kind of beautiful, though. It’s almost a masterpiece to my mind; as to be compared to Picasso. For instance, he could paint a better picture just like I could put the commitment into changing my behavior for the benefit of my family; for the benefit of happiness. I am happy, I just think I’m not. And when I’m not, I pretend that I am; but to the wrong people.
That’s what my child hood taught me; that it’s fun to pretend. I sometimes pretend that I'm a seductress and that I wanted to lose my virginity at fourteen. There’s always something I wish I could be that I wasn't, and there’s always someone I want to pretend never existed. Everyone does it. My mom says, “fake it ‘til you make it. That’s what I did for my dad’s girlfriends, at school, for employers, and with my family. I sometimes don’t like the way people act, but I can’t say anything because,” and then she gets this from my sister’s graduation, “ ‘If you can’t change the people around you, change the people around you.’”