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Chicken Soup for the Teen Soul Book - Real-Life Stories by Real Teens

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The Aspirin Excuse

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By Ryan H., Greenfield, MA

There was a little elf with a cast-iron

skillet sitting in my bed,

and whenever I tried to rouse myself,

he'd whack me on the head.

It'd raise a bump, a lump or two,

and I'd go back to sleep

(getting brained with a frying pan is

more effective than counting sheep).

He wrecked my alarm clock, stomped on it

so it would not ring,

and he shot our rooster and the other birds

so that they could not sing.

My dog he locked in the basement

so she couldn't wake me up.

I couldn't smell breakfast cooking

because he superglued my nostrils shut.

I was kept in bed, a prisoner,

subdued, unconscious and meek.

This is why, dearest principal,

I haven't been in school all week.

This piece has also been published in Teen Ink's monthly magazine.

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Teen Ink is a national teen magazine, book and website featuring teen writing, information, art, photos, poetry, teen issues and more. All articles are written by teen authors who are students at schools. The monthly print magazine is appropriate for any teenager -- teenagers age 13 to 19 attending secondary school: junior high school, middle school and high school. This publication is used by professional people including English teachers, writing teachers, language arts instructors, journalism teachers, school newspaper advisors, librarians, guidance counselors, K-12 principals in addition to the PTA or PTO. Each issue of Teen Ink magazine contains a wide variety of student work: we publish nonfiction, fiction, poems, community service, sports, heroes, interviews, college essays, college reviews, book reviews, concert reviews, movie reviews, music reviews, video reviews, video game reviews, the environment, opinion, sports, pets, cars, automobiles, travel and culture, jobs and money, health issues, artwork, photographs, cartoons, short stories, essays, writing contests, a college directory and the website also has a bulletin board and resources for teens and educators. Subjects include racism, eating disorders, depression, death, suicide, family, relationships, jobs, grandparents, violence, the college process, college information, colleges, driving, self esteem, the arts, movies and more. Teen Ink is also a book series published by HCI Teens. Subjects covered in the book include Friends, Fitting In, Love, Challenges, Family, Heroes, Loss and Memories. Teen Ink was established in 1989 as The 21st Century magazine by The Young Authors Foundation, a nonprofit organization. More than 25,000 teens have been published in the magazine and its companion Poetry Journal. Teen Ink runs a London Summer Program for teenage writers.