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A boyfriend? Not now!

Jaleh A., West Jordan, UT

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By Alison S., Defiance, OH

I have grown up in a society where having a boyfriend is an obsession. It makes a girl popular. He makes her feel wanted and loved. Many girls define themselves by their boyfriends, and when he's gone, they lose themselves. I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't particularly want one. It may sound crazy, but I am not looking for a boyfriend.

Unlike the majority of my peers, I view the endless search for a significant other as a waste of time. Life is busy, and a boyfriend takes time and commitment: time I would rather spend with my friends, and a commitment I don't need at 17.

Sure, it might be nice to have someone to spend Saturday night with when all my friends are with their boyfriends, but I do. I have someone no other guy can even compare with, to whom I can tell all my thoughts, dreams and even insecurities.

I am not writing off boyfriends, I'm just not getting caught up in the idea of one. Someday I'm going to marry a man, so why should I waste time with guys I would not want to marry? No, I don't know who I will marry, but I know that any part I give to a guy is a small part I have taken from him. I want to give my future husband everything, so I have to be cautious what parts of my heart I share. Having a boyfriend isn't committing to marriage, but it isn't meaningless, either.

People say that with a theory like mine, I can't expect to ever find a guy, but I disagree. My theory will turn some guys away, but the guys I would actually want to date will stick around. Society tries to trick me into believing that if I don't have a boyfriend it is because no guy wants me, but society is wrong. I am not defined by the man I am dating, and I do not need a boyfriend to know who I am.

I have faith that I will find the right guy at the right time. It may take longer than I might like and more patience than I think I have, but someday my one true love will come. While I wait, I won't obsess over what I cannot change or over guys who turn away. I will focus on the here and now. My focus is on my friends, family and faith. It sounds crazy, but someday I will have a bunch of rugrats running around, and they will have an awesome father - I just know it.

This piece has also been published in Teen Ink's monthly magazine.

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Teen Ink is a national teen magazine, book and website featuring teen writing, information, art, photos, poetry, teen issues and more. All articles are written by teen authors who are students at schools. The monthly print magazine is appropriate for any teenager -- teenagers age 13 to 19 attending secondary school: junior high school, middle school and high school. This publication is used by professional people including English teachers, writing teachers, language arts instructors, journalism teachers, school newspaper advisors, librarians, guidance counselors, K-12 principals in addition to the PTA or PTO. Each issue of Teen Ink magazine contains a wide variety of student work: we publish nonfiction, fiction, poems, community service, sports, heroes, interviews, college essays, college reviews, book reviews, concert reviews, movie reviews, music reviews, video reviews, video game reviews, the environment, opinion, sports, pets, cars, automobiles, travel and culture, jobs and money, health issues, artwork, photographs, cartoons, short stories, essays, writing contests, a college directory and the website also has a bulletin board and resources for teens and educators. Subjects include racism, eating disorders, depression, death, suicide, family, relationships, jobs, grandparents, violence, the college process, college information, colleges, driving, self esteem, the arts, movies and more. Teen Ink is also a book series published by HCI Teens. Subjects covered in the book include Friends, Fitting In, Love, Challenges, Family, Heroes, Loss and Memories. Teen Ink was established in 1989 as The 21st Century magazine by The Young Authors Foundation, a nonprofit organization. More than 25,000 teens have been published in the magazine and its companion Poetry Journal. Teen Ink runs a London Summer Program for teenage writers.